It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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