even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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