If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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