Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
