What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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