Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
