OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
