Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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