I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
