I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
