He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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