careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
