well you can't waste a boner
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
