You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
