so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
