Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
