I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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