i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
