I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
