Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
