What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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