We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize