I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
