i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
nutella sex= disaster
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
