We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
there was a trapeze. enough said
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
