turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
