i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
