You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize