Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
