Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
