I'm going to jail i love you
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
