When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
