So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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