So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
