i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
