i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
