Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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