So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sobbing to NWA
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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