Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
