I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
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