I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
