is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
