are you still at the devil's house?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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