In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
bring money and cleavage
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
