Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
