well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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