The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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