you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
