I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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