her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize