2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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