dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
