is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
