'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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