I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
