It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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