I smell stomach acid.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
