I could make wine with my vomit
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
