Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
