I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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