i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize