my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
