come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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