:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
