great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
