My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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