the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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