Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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