You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
