got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Found your dick twin last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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