you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
