Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize