It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
