sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
