porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
MIDGETS
????
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
