goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
