I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
