hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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