no, he came in my armpit
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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