The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
