I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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