my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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