I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm at about main and main street
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize