We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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