u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
