He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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