he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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