i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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