Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I smell stomach acid.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
