Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
